Bat-Babysitting Services
by TatiElina
Summary: It's a world with awful friends and flaky babysitters. Bruce Wayne gets roped in to babysitting a small, crabby, "emotional" Roy Harper. At least he has Dick Grayson to help... My first "Humor" fic. Also Mentions of GA #48 Where DinahXOllie make fun of Batman's broodiness. COMPLETE.


A/N: Just trying my hand at yet another DC story xD Because why not make Bruce Wayne babysit? I'm usually all about drama...so I'm not sure how funny this actually turned out, but meh, I had fun. :)

This was inspired by one of the awesome kids in my life. haha..."Why are you crying?" D:

* * *

 **Bat-Babysitting Services**

Oliver owed him. Oliver owed him _big_. It's all Bruce could think as the little red-headed, green eyed demon child started to cry. Again. 5th time that night. Not that Bruce was counting…

Dinah had mentioned that the little boy had been 'emotional' lately, but _this_? This was on a whole other level than what he'd been warned about.

"Roy's crying" Dick, the ever helpful boy commented- and it wasn't all that helpful.

"Yeah, I noticed" Was Bruce's curt response. Part of him wanted to call Oliver, and have him come get the kid, or even Dinah...but he'd promised them to take care of the demon child while they hosted a charity event. He had originally been invited, but when the blond couple had mentioned that their babysitter had cancelled last minute, he'd 'graciously' offered to help. He'd imagined it would go more like, Alfred would take the boys, and he could spend some time patrolling.

He hadn't expected for Alfred to get sick. When was the last time that had happened? So here he was, with a blue eyed little boy who was fussing over his friend.

The man finally had to glare at the boy and hope that would help...it didn't.

"Roy! Why are you crying?" (again)

"I-I-I...wanted" He bawled, and Bruce was sure that he was going to say something like "I wanted to play a game and Dick didn't want to play, or 'I wanted to eat pizza but you fed me chicken and broccoli' cause THAT would at least make a little sense…

"I wanted to help clean the table...and Dick cleaned everything, and I-I didn't get get to clean!" More cries.

Bruce actually rolled his eyes. "You can help wash the dishes if you want…"

"Okay!" The boy immediately brightened, and Bruce had the thought that the boy was a split

"... Here, wash this plate" He helped Roy move a chair next to the sink, helped him put soap on the sponge and wash the dish. All the while, Dick watched with a curious little face. When Roy happily climbed down, Dick frowned at the man.

"... _I_ want to wash dishes too"

"No. You don't, you don't like doing chores." It wasn't that Bruce wasn't happy for the sudden change, but the motivation was clearly corrupt.

"Yes, I do!"

"No. You don't. Why don't you boys go watch a movie, I'LL finish cleaning up" He needed a break, he decided, as he watched the boys run off to TV room. How had this become his evening? He was the _Batman._ He solved crimes. He upheld justice. He wasn't a babysitter...He started washing dishes, realizing that even this wasn't what a normal evening would look like for him. _He_ didn't like chores, but it seemed like a douche-move to leave a mess for Alfred. The man had come down with a cold, and while he said he'd be fine by the morning, he hadn't wanted to get the kids sick, and retired to his quarters. Bruce genuinely wondered if it wasn't all a big lie, a plot to drive him crazy...

He slammed a dish down, as he once, again, heard crying.

Maybe he could ignore it.

"DAAAAAD!"

Or not.

He walked over to where he'd sent the boys, as slowly as possible, hoping that it would all be resolved by the time he got there...Nothing doing.

"Roy is being a cry-baby" Dick muttered, from one of the recliners. He had the remote control in his hand. Roy was sitting on the floor. Crying.

"Richard, don't be rude" ...even if it's true. The man walked over and sat on the floor so he could look into watery green eyes. "Roy...what...is it?"

"Dick pushed m-me"

"I did not!" Dick yelled, in a voice that clearly meant he had. Bruce turned to glare at his son.

"Say sorry!"

"Sorry" The raven haired boy muttered, looking down and playing with the side pocket zipper of his jeans, but he was looking up with angry and teary eyes a few seconds later.

"That's not fair! Y-You didn't EVEN listen to my side of the story!" This was just like Bruce. He always assumed the worst, and he never let Dick explain anything. His mom would always, always ask him what had happened before just _assuming_ he'd been bad.

"Dick, stop" Bruce sentenced, realizing that he was in fact, the worst person to take care of children. He'd gone from 1 crying child to 2 in about 10 seconds. He really needed this to ingrain in his brain in case he ever considered having more kids.

"But I didn't mean to, it was just a little push, and Roy is just being so dumb!" At that, the little red headed boy burst out into fresh tears. This wasn't normal was it?

"He's pointing at me!"

Oh. My...

"Richard, stop pointing at him!" He couldn't yell at somebody else's kid...could he?

"That's not even bad, why are you yelling at ME?!"

"Just stop!" He yelled, and then got up, grabbing Roy's wrist and pulling him up as well, so they could go and sit on the couch.

"Roy...please calm down" He said quietly, nicely...and he could see Dick judging him. The little boy next to him sniffled, but soon his eyes cleared up and his face returned to it's normal color.

"Great. Thank you. Are you...sick?" That was the only explanation Bruce could think of. His child had been friends with Roy for a long time...Bruce KNEW Roy. The kid was a scrappy, rebellious, loud mouth...he wasn't normally 'emotionally challenged' or whatever Dinah had called it.

"No...but I...I want to go home" The kid could normally stay at the Manor all day and still whine when Oliver picked him up. Something was definitely horrendously wrong, and Bruce wasn't equipped to deal with it.

"Okay, I'll call Oliver" Bruce had already pulled out his phone and dialed. Voicemail. He tried Dinah. No answer.

"Hmmm...well they're not answering"

"They probably don't want him anymore"

"Richard John Grayson!"

"What?!" Dick yelled from his spot, perched on the recliner. It's not like it was so unbelievable...Roy was acting weird.

"Go to your room, right now" It was decided, he'd definitely not have more children. Ever.

"Why?!" Dick hadn't expected that, and now he was indignant, how was he the one getting in trouble? He was just being honest...maybe not the nicest, but with Bruce all concerned for Roy, the little acrobat couldn't quite hide his feelings of jealousy.

"Because you're not helping, Chum."

"Well, you're not helping either" Dick retorted, pointing at the still sobbing Roy, "Maybe YOU should got to your room..."

* * *

And that's how Richard had ended up in his bed in pajamas an hour before his bed time. It wasn't fair. He'd wanted to spend the evening with Bruce and his friend. He had imagined they'd watch movies, and eat popcorn, and laugh and... this sucked. He felt a pressure behind his eyes, but he refused to cry. This was all Roy's fault, for acting so strange.

Dick wasn't tired. He _wasn't._

In fact, he'd just decided to run away and re-join the circus when Bruce walked in to his bedroom with a floppy Roy in his arms. The boy had finally just cried himself to sleep. The man walked over to his son's bed and gave him an apologetic smile as he sat on the foot of the bed.

"You haven't fallen asleep?"

"I'm not tired!" Dick wasn't going to be nice after Bruce had sent him to his room for no reason.

"Alright, then..." He got back up, and started walking out the door, hoping...

"Where are you going?"

"Well, I'm going to go lay down for a little while... I thought maybe you'd want to watch a movie with us, but I guess if you're not interested..."

The blue eyed, raven haired boy immediately beamed and shot out of bed, running to his father. "I **am** interested! Can we have popcorn too? Can I pick the movie?"

Bruce chuckled, as he bent down to pick up Dick with his free arm. The kid wrapped his legs around him. "Well, no on the popcorn, yes to the movie."

"Can we wake Roy up? Why is he sleeping?"

"Noooooo. Don't you dare. I mean, if he wakes up on his own, that's fine, but if he wants to sleep, you _will_ let him"

* * *

It was about an hour into the movie that Roy stirred awake, Bruce had to take deep breath before approaching. He was laying in his bed, with Dick on one side of him talking instead of watching the movie (of course) and Roy stirring on the other side. When the boy finally managed to wake up and look around, he stared at Bruce accusingly.

"Where's Ollie?"

"They're still at their party Roy...but he did call back when you were sleeping. He'll be here soon, alright?"

"Roy, we're watching a movie about a pig!" Dick chatted, starting to tell Roy what the movie was about. Bruce was actually impressed, the kid had been paying attention to the movie AND talking at the same time?

After the boys had rediscovered their friendship while Dick caught him up on the movie, the raven haired boy finally asked. "Why have you been so sad today?"

"Well...I just..." Roy frowned. "Dinah's going to have a baby"

Bruce's eyes widened.

"Oh, but that sounds cool. I mean babies aren't that much fun, but then they grow up, and are cute and funny" Dick didn't really KNOW, but back in he circus, his best audience had always been the smaller children.

"...I guess. I just... well, maybe the new baby will look like them" It was a weird thing to fixate on, but Oliver and Dinah both had blonde hair, they both had blue eyes...

Roy was a little ginger child with green eyes. He knew he didn't look like them. He knew he was adopted. Everyone knew, and it wasn't _bad_...but ...

"Maybe the new baby will look like them" (without a doubt) Bruce started, as he wrapped an arm around Roy. -but that won't change how they feel about you. They'll still love you and want to spend time with you...and I'm sure you'll be a great older brother" As Roy and Dick both smiled at him, and then each other and quickly started talking about some stupid video-game, Bruce had to admit, maybe he COULD handle two kids after all...

but probably _not_.

* * *

It was past midnight when Dinah and Oliver finally came to pick up their bundle of joy. Bruce answered the door and then walked them to his bedroom, where he'd left the two boys, sleeping.

"So?" Dinah asked, starting to take of her earrings. "How was it?"

Horrible. Your spawn is the devil. I never want to babysit him again. We are no longer friends.

"It was fine."

Oliver gave him a funny look, and then started laughing just before they reached the bedroom.

"What?" Bruce growled, he wasn't amused.

"Oh nothing, it's just that... we know how he's been lately, all the crying? Yeah...it's the worst. You can say it." It had started a week ago, and despite Dinah's expertise and counseling, they hadn't been able to get to the bottom of it.

"It wasn't pleasant, and I'm never having any more kids, but we survived."

Oliver looked at Dinah, who snickered as he started laughing obnoxiously again. Bruce was imagining how great it'd be to punch the man.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't realize we had such a great means of birth control on our hands" Oliver quieted down, as he opened the door, and peeked inside. He could barely see his child, as Dick, like the true hug-gy child that he was had wrapped himself around the red-head. The adults went in and Bruce pried his own little monster off their guest.

Dinah reached out to pick up her boyfriend's kid, hugged and kissed him before passing him off to Oliver.

As the adults made their way down the stairs, Bruce couldn't help comment. "...but I guess he's not actually the best means of birth control, is he?"

Oliver and Dinah both paused to give him a strange look.

"...What do you mean?" Dinah asked, as grabbed Roy's coat and started putting it on him. The little boy stirred, but didn't wake.

"Sorry, that was my way of saying congratulations."

The two blonds looked at each other in horror, and then back to Bruce.

"She's not pregnant!"

"I'm not pregnant!" They yelled in unison.

"What the fuck, man?" Oliver had actually felt his heart skip a beat. "Why would you think that? Why would you _SAY_ that?" The child in his arms was now waking up, thanks to the noise.

Bruce Wayne mentally went over his entire night, and decided _this_ was actually the worst part of the entire day. He wasn't used to assuming things, or taking the word of a child as complete truth...but...

"Roy...said."

"Roy?" Dinah questioned, as the red headed child now rubbed his eyes, and snuggled into Oliver. "...Do you think I'm having a baby?"

At the question, the boy finished waking up, and tears filled his eyes. "Yeah, you said. It's okay if you do, Bruce said you'll still love me and pay attention to me even if you have a baby that looks like you"

"How very nice of Bruce" Oliver laughed awkwardly, which was taken wrong by the child in his arms.

"Don't laugh at me" He whined, this was just perfect. He'd been worried all this time, and Oliver was just going to laugh at him. The man put him down, which only added to his distress. "Pick me up!"

"Uh, no, dude, not if you're whining." Oliver instructed, and Roy immediately stopped. Bruce was mentally taking notes in case he ever had to watch their demon child again, of course, he couldn't picture himself ever using the word 'dude'.

Dinah bent down so that she could talk to Roy eye to eye. "Honey, I'm not having a baby...I don't know what you heard?"

"When you were having your party with your friends, you told Kendra you had a baby in your belly..."

Both men in the room looked at her now, Oliver knew she wasn't pregnant, but he could see why Roy had been confused and whiny.

"Oh..." She tried to hide her smile. "Weren't you supposed to be in your room, sleeping?"

"I woke up and I was thirsty..."

She nodded understanding, "I'm not having a baby" Not ever, she thought, "but even if Ollie and I did, we would still love you very very much, and there's nothing for you to worry about, okay?"

"Okay" He hugged her, and when she got up, she carried him up with her, though quickly passed him to Oliver; she was wearing stilettos...and didn't want to die.

"Well...mystery solved" She shrugged, though Oliver was still looking at her expectantly. "We were talking about food babies... we'd all eaten too much...and were a bit tipsy"

Bruce Wayne actually glared. His troublesome evening had been caused by 1. Oliver 2. Dinah 3. Alcohol 4. A Child's overactive imagination 5...

"Mystery solved indeed." The blond man turned to look at Bruce with a hint of a smile. "All's well that end's well?"

"Get out of my house."

"Yeah, okay, let's go babe" He grabbed Dinah's hand and they scurried off, laughing in a way that made Bruce seriously question his taste in 'friends'.

* * *

"That Bruce is such a grump"

"I knoooow" Dinah laughed, as the little family walked to her car.

"I can't believe people actually compare me to him. I mean, I guess we're both Billionaires..."

Dinah had to roll her eyes. "Yeah, but if you become any more like Bruce, I WILL break up with you"

"But Dinahhhhhh! I'm so darrrkkkk and troubled!"

"Needs work"

"Everyone's a critic" Ollie shrugged, leaning in to kiss her, forgetting that he was still carrying a small, grouchy child.

"Ew, stop!"

End.

* * *

A/N I had finished this little tale and then I read GA #48 and had to add that last scene, because Ollie/Dinah making fun of Batman? Yes please. More.


End file.
